Monica - wish I could give you a hug. You might not even be a hugger. It sounds like you’ve got a counsellor and help - to give Milo a safe space to share. A question we asked in Samaritans was: do you want to end your life or is it that you want to stop living the life you have right now? Most say the latter. Also there is a wonderful website called Reasons to stay - https://reasonstostay.org/ that sends letters written by strangers to inspire hope x
Monica, I am so, so sorry that you -- and amazing Milo -- and all their family and friends who love them, are going through this. I'm also a mama to two AuDHD kids, one of whom struggles with depression, and everything you said resonates down to my core. It is beyond unfair that they live in a world not inclined to see their amazingness first -- and often, one unwilling (unable?) to look for it. I've often said to people, "Can you imagine if someone told you that you need to 'act autistic' [knowing there's not one version of autism and also knowing there are characteristics most people would imagine adopting] in public to be accepted? Could you do it for 8-10 hours/day without it cracking you?" I don't think anyone truly could -- yet we expect, as a society, people with autism to do exactly this.
I'm not sure what to do to change it, aside from trying to make people more aware and being a constant advocate. But I see you, I feel this, and I'm sending all the love and strength your family's way.
"Can you imagine if someone told you that you need to 'act autistic' [knowing there's not one version of autism and also knowing there are characteristics most people would imagine adopting] in public to be accepted? Could you do it for 8-10 hours/day without it cracking you?"
THIS.
Thank you for such a brilliant comment, Sandra. This is exactly why I wrote this. All the love to you and your kids. Let's keep talking and writing about it.
Oh Monica, sending you, Milo, and the rest of your family so much love. As a parent myself, I can only imagine the feelings of terror and helplessness.
Also, I have to say, I admire Cory so much for how he supported Serge in the hospital, as all of you were reeling. To put aside all differences and just show love, it demonstrates his character and I'm truly so happy you have such a caring partner. <3
Thank you for this. It was a scene in that terrible room I will never forget. i have more to say on cory at another time. good lord, that man. the way both men let everything go because the human they love the most was in trouble was really something.
I’ve been following for so long, I remember when that video of your baby and Serge and the shapes was posted. Time flies, my god. Someday I’ll be able to upgrade and read it all. Sending you and your sweet Milo and whole extended family all of the love. ♥️
As I said in reply to Serge's post, I cannot begin to imagine how you're feeling, and the terror and fear and everything else.
And what Milo is feeling right now, especially with the political climate in America seemingly trying harder and harder each day to tell them that they don't matter, that they are somehow less worthy of existance and love of 'normal' people.
The truth is that there is no such thing as normal people, it's just that society is messed up and therefore finds some people easier to accept than others for completely arbitrary reasons.
I wish you and every member of your family all the strength you need to get through this crisis, and any that may follow.
And please tell Milo that as far as this old fat guy in Czech Republic is concerned, they are just as entited to and worthy of all the good things in life as anyone else, and anyone who tells them otherwise for any reason just doesn't have an appropriate amount of humanity in their soul, most likely because of how they themselves were treated badly in the past.
for what it's worth, i really dig this old fat guy in Czech Republic who has been reading my shit for more than two decades now. I always look forward to a comment from you. Thank you for taking the time, I really, really appreciate you and hope you are well, my friend. All the love.
I'm doing okay. Somehow got a job as a teacher so will devote myself to telling kids they can say no to authority and should always say no to anything at all that makes them feel uncomfortable until the system spits me out...
I have knees that need an operation I can't get, which sucks, and teeth that need an operation I could get, but no way to get dentures after everything is taken out, which also sucks...
But I also have a partner who mostly appreciates me, and plans for many shenanigans in the next year, plus the ability to tell kids they matter...
So the good outweighs the bad...
I also discovered the reasonstostay.org site in one of the other comments and have shared that, and will be writing letters for it whenever the mood takes me
One of my favorite things about you is that you seem to always focus on the positive. The teaching job sounds rad! Love to you, sweet Damien. Hang in there.
Wow. First of all, I'm glad Milo is still with us. I never became a parent, so I can only imagine... all of it. But I have a pretty good imagination. To my detriment sometimes. I'm so sorry you and your family experienced this, Monica. And for what it's worth, I hope everything turns out all right.
Hey! Always happy to see your name and face 'round these parts. Thank you for the kind words. Truly. This is exactly why I wrote so I really appreciate it.
Oh, Monica. You got your head around it, trust me. As someone with pretty severe depression who's come close...I am at once so grateful Milo has you to parent them through this, and also really wish you didn't have to parent them through this because I know how brutal it can be. And for whatever it's worth, reading that the *whole* family is managing to take some baby steps toward peace on behalf of the fathomless love for Milo that inevitably binds you brought me (however inappropriately!) to tears of visceral relief, for everyone.
Thank you for this. Truly. It means so much, especially coming from you. I’m so glad we’re connected through our writing. Am always delighted to see a comment from you and know that you’ve read something I wrote. Your own writing has blown me away over and over again and I know you’ve been through it, so this means everything. Hope you are hanging in there, beautiful woman.
Oh fuck. I am so sorry. I am crying. I was there, it took so much work. Support groups saved me. I hope you find support, Milo finds support that fits their needs as a growing adult.
Thank you for sharing such a delicate part of your truth.
Sending love and strength. Milo is a beautiful soul with an amazing mother, and this raw parenting can be brutal. My daughter is on the autism spectrum but was not diagnosed until she was a teen, and had gone through it, and hard. I feel so fortunate to have found answers, even though it was late and damage had been done in trying to make sense/control/fix her neurodiversity. We don't know what we don't know, as you know. I also feel fortunate that we're no longer in the catastrophizing era when we hear 'autism' and 'neurodiversity' and can recognize that neurotypical is a lie we've been sold to control behavior. Keep celebrating your wonderful kid (and kids). You and Milo have got this.
Love you!!!!
Aw, thanks buddy! So happy to know you read! Miss you and love you!
All love only love infinite love.
always
Monica - wish I could give you a hug. You might not even be a hugger. It sounds like you’ve got a counsellor and help - to give Milo a safe space to share. A question we asked in Samaritans was: do you want to end your life or is it that you want to stop living the life you have right now? Most say the latter. Also there is a wonderful website called Reasons to stay - https://reasonstostay.org/ that sends letters written by strangers to inspire hope x
Thank you sweet fiend. and yes, it's the latter. this link is incredible!!!!
It’s set up by a guy who lost to his brother by suicide 8 years ago aged 15. I chanced upon it again today. ❤️
LOVE
Monica, I am so, so sorry that you -- and amazing Milo -- and all their family and friends who love them, are going through this. I'm also a mama to two AuDHD kids, one of whom struggles with depression, and everything you said resonates down to my core. It is beyond unfair that they live in a world not inclined to see their amazingness first -- and often, one unwilling (unable?) to look for it. I've often said to people, "Can you imagine if someone told you that you need to 'act autistic' [knowing there's not one version of autism and also knowing there are characteristics most people would imagine adopting] in public to be accepted? Could you do it for 8-10 hours/day without it cracking you?" I don't think anyone truly could -- yet we expect, as a society, people with autism to do exactly this.
I'm not sure what to do to change it, aside from trying to make people more aware and being a constant advocate. But I see you, I feel this, and I'm sending all the love and strength your family's way.
"Can you imagine if someone told you that you need to 'act autistic' [knowing there's not one version of autism and also knowing there are characteristics most people would imagine adopting] in public to be accepted? Could you do it for 8-10 hours/day without it cracking you?"
THIS.
Thank you for such a brilliant comment, Sandra. This is exactly why I wrote this. All the love to you and your kids. Let's keep talking and writing about it.
Oh Monica, sending you, Milo, and the rest of your family so much love. As a parent myself, I can only imagine the feelings of terror and helplessness.
Also, I have to say, I admire Cory so much for how he supported Serge in the hospital, as all of you were reeling. To put aside all differences and just show love, it demonstrates his character and I'm truly so happy you have such a caring partner. <3
Thank you for this. It was a scene in that terrible room I will never forget. i have more to say on cory at another time. good lord, that man. the way both men let everything go because the human they love the most was in trouble was really something.
I’ve been following for so long, I remember when that video of your baby and Serge and the shapes was posted. Time flies, my god. Someday I’ll be able to upgrade and read it all. Sending you and your sweet Milo and whole extended family all of the love. ♥️
These kinds of comments always blow my mind. I’m so glad you’ve stuck with us. Thank you <3
Always been rooting for you guys.
As I said in reply to Serge's post, I cannot begin to imagine how you're feeling, and the terror and fear and everything else.
And what Milo is feeling right now, especially with the political climate in America seemingly trying harder and harder each day to tell them that they don't matter, that they are somehow less worthy of existance and love of 'normal' people.
The truth is that there is no such thing as normal people, it's just that society is messed up and therefore finds some people easier to accept than others for completely arbitrary reasons.
I wish you and every member of your family all the strength you need to get through this crisis, and any that may follow.
And please tell Milo that as far as this old fat guy in Czech Republic is concerned, they are just as entited to and worthy of all the good things in life as anyone else, and anyone who tells them otherwise for any reason just doesn't have an appropriate amount of humanity in their soul, most likely because of how they themselves were treated badly in the past.
for what it's worth, i really dig this old fat guy in Czech Republic who has been reading my shit for more than two decades now. I always look forward to a comment from you. Thank you for taking the time, I really, really appreciate you and hope you are well, my friend. All the love.
I'm doing okay. Somehow got a job as a teacher so will devote myself to telling kids they can say no to authority and should always say no to anything at all that makes them feel uncomfortable until the system spits me out...
I have knees that need an operation I can't get, which sucks, and teeth that need an operation I could get, but no way to get dentures after everything is taken out, which also sucks...
But I also have a partner who mostly appreciates me, and plans for many shenanigans in the next year, plus the ability to tell kids they matter...
So the good outweighs the bad...
I also discovered the reasonstostay.org site in one of the other comments and have shared that, and will be writing letters for it whenever the mood takes me
One of my favorite things about you is that you seem to always focus on the positive. The teaching job sounds rad! Love to you, sweet Damien. Hang in there.
Heart-wrenching, heart-wrenched. Love to Milo, you & whole fam.
Thank you so much. Appreciate you reading and commenting <3
❤️
Wow. First of all, I'm glad Milo is still with us. I never became a parent, so I can only imagine... all of it. But I have a pretty good imagination. To my detriment sometimes. I'm so sorry you and your family experienced this, Monica. And for what it's worth, I hope everything turns out all right.
Hey! Always happy to see your name and face 'round these parts. Thank you for the kind words. Truly. This is exactly why I wrote so I really appreciate it.
Oh, Monica. You got your head around it, trust me. As someone with pretty severe depression who's come close...I am at once so grateful Milo has you to parent them through this, and also really wish you didn't have to parent them through this because I know how brutal it can be. And for whatever it's worth, reading that the *whole* family is managing to take some baby steps toward peace on behalf of the fathomless love for Milo that inevitably binds you brought me (however inappropriately!) to tears of visceral relief, for everyone.
Sending much love to all of you.
Thank you for this. Truly. It means so much, especially coming from you. I’m so glad we’re connected through our writing. Am always delighted to see a comment from you and know that you’ve read something I wrote. Your own writing has blown me away over and over again and I know you’ve been through it, so this means everything. Hope you are hanging in there, beautiful woman.
Thank you for sharing. I can relate to your experiences as a parent and the complicated emotions that go along with it. ❤️
thank you for reading and commenting, I really appreciate it <3
Oh fuck. I am so sorry. I am crying. I was there, it took so much work. Support groups saved me. I hope you find support, Milo finds support that fits their needs as a growing adult.
Thank you for sharing such a delicate part of your truth.
Sending love and strength. Milo is a beautiful soul with an amazing mother, and this raw parenting can be brutal. My daughter is on the autism spectrum but was not diagnosed until she was a teen, and had gone through it, and hard. I feel so fortunate to have found answers, even though it was late and damage had been done in trying to make sense/control/fix her neurodiversity. We don't know what we don't know, as you know. I also feel fortunate that we're no longer in the catastrophizing era when we hear 'autism' and 'neurodiversity' and can recognize that neurotypical is a lie we've been sold to control behavior. Keep celebrating your wonderful kid (and kids). You and Milo have got this.