I was raised by two atheists both of whom had fathers who lost their passports and social standing and economic power by refusing to name names when called before congress during the McCarthy Red Scare. My religion has always been to trust no institution (including our own family) blindly. I’m very thankful for that. During the first four decades of my life it felt a little weird, but now I feel ready. 💪
Exactly this. And same. I feel calm. Waiting and watching for the best path forward to present itself and checking out of the distraction machine in the meantime. I understand what’s happening. I understand authoritarianism and fascism. I am ready for whatever is to come and will help wherever I can when those situations present themselves.
Thanks for writing this. I appreciate your experiences and how you've tied them to our current circumstances. I've been working on something similar to the points you're making at the end, about myth-making, the attention economy, and guilt. I'm still struggling with rendering it all and fear that I'm living in a near-constant state of dissociation. There are so many loose ends and I don't know how to tie them. Where does paying "enough" attention become dissociation? Everything right now is a mind-fuck yet every mind-fuck is an opportunity for beauty. Every argument is an opportunity to listen. Every knee-jerk reaction is an opportunity for thoughtfulness.
Thanks so much for this, Sarah. I feel all of what you’re saying, especially that line between awareness and dissociation. I try to not just be aware of which state I'm in but also show myself compassion instead of the usual internal guilt trip when i find i've spent an entire weekend dissociating with my TV. I’ve been thinking a lot about the attention economy too, and how what we focus on ends up shaping our reality. I’ve been trying to move from horizontal attention (endless scrolling and internalizing snippets/clips/headlines/comments) to vertical attention and dropping into what’s right here, right now, especially as it pertains to nature. Jenny Odell writes beautifully about this as does Robin Wall Kimmerer, and, of course, YOU! There’s no clean answer, but I really relate to the way you’re thinking through it.
I'm still such a patriot and I still believe this great big, stupid experiment can work, even though it's hard right now. My maternal grandfather was born on a boat coming from Sweden, who by by the time he was a teenager, was orphaned (both parents died by Suicide which is the Scandinavian way) He then took custody of his younger siblings, got through high school, then Miami University, joined the Navy after the first world war, and commanded three vessels (two which were sunk ) in the Pacific. He became a PhD in Sociology and he was the staunchest Patriot I have even known. He was an ardent supporter of the Civil Rights Movement and wrote dissertations on Malcolm X. He used to chide people for not wanting to pay taxes, but paying for memberships to exclusive country clubs without realizing that the US was the best country club anyone could ever want to belong to.
He was also an atheist.
His heart would be bruised right now, but not broken, and that's what I keep trying to remember. Resolve. Growing pains. The folly of man.
The US is full of amazing people, amazing stories and amazing love and it can be the best country in the world if we can get back out of our way again. it's just really, really fucking hard right now. We're at a huge crossroads in this great experiment and everything feels fraught and scary. I'm not a god person but I do hope and pray that we right this ship and get back on track.
No country or man-made institution will ever be infallible. They're human made! Humans fuck shit up constantly! I just hope we're not past the point of no-return with this motherfucker.
So, now i just don't watch the news or keep up on too many things. There's nothing I can do about it right now, if ever. All I can do is stay the course of my life and principles and hope that the small things I accomplish help others and ultimately the greater good.
But Mormonism? I can't even with that shit. It's fucking crazy. There's a reason the operative word in the name Moroni is "moron".
Always look forward to your take! Your grandfather sounds like an incredible dude. I love hearing stories like his because they remind me that while the system may be broken, the people inside it often carry the ideals we’re told the nation stands for: compassion, courage, responsibility to each other. I totally get why his legacy keeps your hope alive and informs your patriotism.
That said, I think part of my struggle is exactly that tension: the heart and story of people like your grandfather versus the foundation they were told to believe in. The stories we grow up with: the “melting pot,” the “great experiment,” the American Dream or whatever... They’re compelling because they could be beautiful. But they were built on a structure that wasn’t made for everyone. The Founders weren’t these genius, idealists in the way we often frame them, they were wealthy, white landowners, many of them enslavers, protecting their economic and social dominance. That isn’t just a flawed past, it’s baked into the blueprint. The Constitution was written by enslavers. Women, people of color weren’t considered full people. Indigenous genocide was ongoing. None of that is a bug. It’s foundational.
So, while I do appreciate the Constitution’s flexibility (their big genius maneuver) I also see how that flexibility has been used to reinforce power and adapt in ways that uphold inequality while selling us the idea of fairness. That’s where I get stuck. It’s hard to love the story without interrogating the system. I don’t think the ideal of America is wrong. But the mythology around it has protected the wrong things for far too long.
You’re certainly not wrong to believe in the good, in the people, the love, the potential! But I don’t want to confuse the people with the machine. The myth has power. So does the propaganda and our massive boner for the forefathers is part of the propaganda and I think we’re long overdue for rewriting at least some if not most of it.
But maybe it’s not about going back at all. Maybe it’s about building something entirely new and finally untether from the idea that men who died 200 years ago should still define our future. We're dealing with shit they couldn't begin to fathom.
That’s the dissonance I’m wrestling with. I can absolutely believe your grandfather was a brilliant, principled man who loved this country and lived its best ideals. And I believe there are millions more like him. But that doesn’t mean the system he believed in or fought for wasn’t deeply broken from the start.
I want to believe in the possibility of change. But I don’t think we get there by mythologizing the founders or pretending we just need to get “back on track.” I think we get there by telling the truth about where we came from, what we protected, who we excluded and letting that truth push us toward something actually new.
*suicide is the scandinavian way?! had never heard that!
I know. I'm pretty Pollyanna when it comes to this topic because I do see the potential. I think the fact that our Constitution was intentionally constructed to be flexible is the silver lining to everything. Everything has to be able to evolve and the Constitution was intentionally created with that in mind.
I think a lot of people find comfort in the myth in a very rigid way that wasn't was intended and then they use the myth to try to oppress others. It's all so flawed and so human.. and so exhausting. But! I still have faith! I'm a glutton for punishment and disappointment.
Honestly, I’m actually kind of thrilled that this is your perspective on this particular topic. You and I seem so similar in our thoughts about things and sometimes I worry I’m too cynical and so I’m digging that you’re a little “Pollyanna” about this ❤️
speaking of Pollyanna, I absolutely adored that movie with Haley Mills along with Parent Trap, did you ever watch those?
All I ever wanted in life was to be a camper at Camp Inch and live with my movie star dad and horses in Monterey. It's all I still really want if I'm being honest with myself.
I was raised by two atheists both of whom had fathers who lost their passports and social standing and economic power by refusing to name names when called before congress during the McCarthy Red Scare. My religion has always been to trust no institution (including our own family) blindly. I’m very thankful for that. During the first four decades of my life it felt a little weird, but now I feel ready. 💪
Exactly this. And same. I feel calm. Waiting and watching for the best path forward to present itself and checking out of the distraction machine in the meantime. I understand what’s happening. I understand authoritarianism and fascism. I am ready for whatever is to come and will help wherever I can when those situations present themselves.
✊🫀
❤️🔥
This is a powerful and beautifully written, dear niece
Thank you!
Thanks for writing this. I appreciate your experiences and how you've tied them to our current circumstances. I've been working on something similar to the points you're making at the end, about myth-making, the attention economy, and guilt. I'm still struggling with rendering it all and fear that I'm living in a near-constant state of dissociation. There are so many loose ends and I don't know how to tie them. Where does paying "enough" attention become dissociation? Everything right now is a mind-fuck yet every mind-fuck is an opportunity for beauty. Every argument is an opportunity to listen. Every knee-jerk reaction is an opportunity for thoughtfulness.
Thanks so much for this, Sarah. I feel all of what you’re saying, especially that line between awareness and dissociation. I try to not just be aware of which state I'm in but also show myself compassion instead of the usual internal guilt trip when i find i've spent an entire weekend dissociating with my TV. I’ve been thinking a lot about the attention economy too, and how what we focus on ends up shaping our reality. I’ve been trying to move from horizontal attention (endless scrolling and internalizing snippets/clips/headlines/comments) to vertical attention and dropping into what’s right here, right now, especially as it pertains to nature. Jenny Odell writes beautifully about this as does Robin Wall Kimmerer, and, of course, YOU! There’s no clean answer, but I really relate to the way you’re thinking through it.
Wow, ❤️incredible writing! Just so great!
Thank you Marian, I always appreciate your support!
I'm still such a patriot and I still believe this great big, stupid experiment can work, even though it's hard right now. My maternal grandfather was born on a boat coming from Sweden, who by by the time he was a teenager, was orphaned (both parents died by Suicide which is the Scandinavian way) He then took custody of his younger siblings, got through high school, then Miami University, joined the Navy after the first world war, and commanded three vessels (two which were sunk ) in the Pacific. He became a PhD in Sociology and he was the staunchest Patriot I have even known. He was an ardent supporter of the Civil Rights Movement and wrote dissertations on Malcolm X. He used to chide people for not wanting to pay taxes, but paying for memberships to exclusive country clubs without realizing that the US was the best country club anyone could ever want to belong to.
He was also an atheist.
His heart would be bruised right now, but not broken, and that's what I keep trying to remember. Resolve. Growing pains. The folly of man.
The US is full of amazing people, amazing stories and amazing love and it can be the best country in the world if we can get back out of our way again. it's just really, really fucking hard right now. We're at a huge crossroads in this great experiment and everything feels fraught and scary. I'm not a god person but I do hope and pray that we right this ship and get back on track.
No country or man-made institution will ever be infallible. They're human made! Humans fuck shit up constantly! I just hope we're not past the point of no-return with this motherfucker.
So, now i just don't watch the news or keep up on too many things. There's nothing I can do about it right now, if ever. All I can do is stay the course of my life and principles and hope that the small things I accomplish help others and ultimately the greater good.
But Mormonism? I can't even with that shit. It's fucking crazy. There's a reason the operative word in the name Moroni is "moron".
Always look forward to your take! Your grandfather sounds like an incredible dude. I love hearing stories like his because they remind me that while the system may be broken, the people inside it often carry the ideals we’re told the nation stands for: compassion, courage, responsibility to each other. I totally get why his legacy keeps your hope alive and informs your patriotism.
That said, I think part of my struggle is exactly that tension: the heart and story of people like your grandfather versus the foundation they were told to believe in. The stories we grow up with: the “melting pot,” the “great experiment,” the American Dream or whatever... They’re compelling because they could be beautiful. But they were built on a structure that wasn’t made for everyone. The Founders weren’t these genius, idealists in the way we often frame them, they were wealthy, white landowners, many of them enslavers, protecting their economic and social dominance. That isn’t just a flawed past, it’s baked into the blueprint. The Constitution was written by enslavers. Women, people of color weren’t considered full people. Indigenous genocide was ongoing. None of that is a bug. It’s foundational.
So, while I do appreciate the Constitution’s flexibility (their big genius maneuver) I also see how that flexibility has been used to reinforce power and adapt in ways that uphold inequality while selling us the idea of fairness. That’s where I get stuck. It’s hard to love the story without interrogating the system. I don’t think the ideal of America is wrong. But the mythology around it has protected the wrong things for far too long.
You’re certainly not wrong to believe in the good, in the people, the love, the potential! But I don’t want to confuse the people with the machine. The myth has power. So does the propaganda and our massive boner for the forefathers is part of the propaganda and I think we’re long overdue for rewriting at least some if not most of it.
But maybe it’s not about going back at all. Maybe it’s about building something entirely new and finally untether from the idea that men who died 200 years ago should still define our future. We're dealing with shit they couldn't begin to fathom.
That’s the dissonance I’m wrestling with. I can absolutely believe your grandfather was a brilliant, principled man who loved this country and lived its best ideals. And I believe there are millions more like him. But that doesn’t mean the system he believed in or fought for wasn’t deeply broken from the start.
I want to believe in the possibility of change. But I don’t think we get there by mythologizing the founders or pretending we just need to get “back on track.” I think we get there by telling the truth about where we came from, what we protected, who we excluded and letting that truth push us toward something actually new.
*suicide is the scandinavian way?! had never heard that!
I know. I'm pretty Pollyanna when it comes to this topic because I do see the potential. I think the fact that our Constitution was intentionally constructed to be flexible is the silver lining to everything. Everything has to be able to evolve and the Constitution was intentionally created with that in mind.
I think a lot of people find comfort in the myth in a very rigid way that wasn't was intended and then they use the myth to try to oppress others. It's all so flawed and so human.. and so exhausting. But! I still have faith! I'm a glutton for punishment and disappointment.
Honestly, I’m actually kind of thrilled that this is your perspective on this particular topic. You and I seem so similar in our thoughts about things and sometimes I worry I’m too cynical and so I’m digging that you’re a little “Pollyanna” about this ❤️
speaking of Pollyanna, I absolutely adored that movie with Haley Mills along with Parent Trap, did you ever watch those?
All I ever wanted in life was to be a camper at Camp Inch and live with my movie star dad and horses in Monterey. It's all I still really want if I'm being honest with myself.
we are kindred <3